想说

想说：
我不想你走， 真的很想把你留下， 可是我做不到。因为我不够自私， 也不想那么自私。
也许我不够自私， 就这样让他走了。 我不想重演， 可我却无法要你不走。
This sounds ridiculous i know, because he's not sure if he's leaving as the application results will be announced in June 2010.Even he applied, but there's no guarantee he will get it.Meaning there's only a 50-50 chance. But i gotta be prepared for the bad outcome as well. The selfish part of me wouldn't want to pray for him because i wouldn't want him to to get the application and leave. All i can do is leave this to god, god will decide what is the best for him, and bless him. I'll pray for him to do the best decision, pray that god will guide him to the best path. Idk what i'm thinking, idk how i feel,i don't want to think about anything at this moment... i really dont, but i cant help thinking. God where are u when i need your guidance?